Shizzurp from the Crease: Juice’s Friday Smoothie.

What interested and or amused you most about this week in our NHL? If I had a feather and a glass of Grape Ape for each of these incidents, I’d be tickled purple.

1. If you can carry it, they will loot… Flyers Fans get to pay to loot the Spectrum tomorrow at the “If You Can Carry It, You Can Keep It” event, where they can pay $25 to go in and take anything they can carry from the old arena. Really? RIILLY?  Look. Some of my besties are Flyers fans, and my adoration for all things “Hartnell Fro” is well documented- but can you think of a less well conceived idea? Does anyone think this is a bad idea besides me?

more after the break! 

2. Disturbance in the force: Anaheim Thucks style, San Fernando Valley Porn Edition

George Parros shaving his ‘stache off…even for Mo-vember, made the porn world quake this week.

3. Tip of the Mask, Wag of the Finger- Suspension Edition

·       Tip of Mask: Big Joe T gets a suspension for boarding. Wow. This makes me smile – not laugh. And not because Joe T annoys me, but because this is a big name player getting suspended. It gives me hope that one day the league will seriously start to punish dirty play. Sure it’s a statement punishment- but all I can say is “Thank Holland”  and long live Rule 48 and its enforcement.  

• Wag of the Finger: Carcillio gets away with it, destroying my fleeting moment of joy and crushing my hope, but mostly reinforcing the League’s inconsistent rule enforcement and the fact that tne more things change the more they stay the same.

4. Karma is a Salary Cap kick in the Crease. Dustin Byfuglien putting up great numbers in Atlanta and frustrating Duncan Keith, Thomas Holmstrom stylee.

5. Flaming Rumor of the Week: Iginla to LA. Iginla to anywhere.  Long live Iginla rumors. Maybe this will help, courtesy of snipedangle, via Puckdaddy.

6. Three degrees of Alyssa Milano: Because Alyssa Milano is to the NHL what the Slap Chop Guy is to infomercials, its only fitting that we report on news items related to all things Samantha.

Shannen Doherty has “written” a book called Badass. Really? Rilly??? I know at least 8 female Hockey Bloggers who could give Shannen a swirly in one of the toilets ripped from the john of the Spectrum faster than you can say “Brenda Walsh”. 

For the kids keeping score, Shannen is relevant to a Hockey Blog because she is less than 3 degrees of separation from NHL via Alyssa Milano: 1. she worked with Alyssa Milano on “Charmed” and 2. Alyssa is the NHL’s Slap Chop Hawk.

7. Sidney Crosby’s slump.  As some of you know my fantasy team the “Red Deke Kerfluffers” has the Kid on it. If you want to know why- go here. And as is always the case when someone sells their soul to the red devil, I am paying for it. My fantasy team is scraping the bottom of the barrel looking for a bottle of Shizzurp and Patrick Kane’s $1.20. Why? Because the Kid is playing like the chump we all want him to be… ARRGHHHHHAAAAAAAAA Aha ha. This damn fantasy team is going to make me bipolar. Please I beg of you- Someone trade me Datsyuk for Crosby!!!

8. WCSI: Winter Classic 2001. Pittsburgh Police have threatened to boycott the Winter Classic because they have not been promised overtime “holiday” pay. Geebus Betts, if you were any cheaper, you’d be using Sather’s wallet.