NHL SuperSkills - LW's attempted live blog

Incoherent Red Bull-assisted thoughts to follow...

First disappointment of the night: I'm getting the Versus coverage rather than CBC. Doc Emrick providing the screech-by-screech commentary.  At least this means no Milbury (I hope)...

First record of the evening: Bob Harwood asks a question featuring fewer than 17 subclauses.  Meanwhile, Charissa Thompson clearly invades Nick Lidstrom's personal space during her harrowing interrogation.



Onto the player introductions.  We can only hope this isn't punctuated by another 180-minute Glen Wesley jersey retirement ceremony.  I've not kept track, admittedly, but I think this is the first time I've ever seen the word "SHATTENKIRK" projected onto a streaming plume of smoke by a hockey rink.

I'm guessing the giant curtain at center ice is there for some kind of Chara-unveiling.  The crowd noise almost literally raises the roof for the entrances of Evgeny Dadonov and Michael Grabner.

Fastest Skater

So, after bowing to the endless howls of protest from approximately zero fans around the world for the last 10 years, we finally get to see goalies in the fastest skater contest.  Hmm...was Hal Gill not available?

Eric Staal wins the puck flip and elects to receive the kickoff.  Or something.

Wins for Letang (skating backwards) and Grabner (rookies) precede a predictable blown tire for Tim Thomas in the goalie event.  In a dramatic technological upgrade from two years ago, we appear to have working clocks.  St. Louis beats Kesler, then Stamkos easily beats Mike Green, who must've skated in the wrong direction when he entered the defensive zone.  Spoke too soon on the clocks, unless Matt Duchene really did beat Marc Staal by about seven seconds.

In the repeat rookie final, Grabner again comes out on top, thus increasing his chances of producing the finest SuperSkills performance by an Austrian rookie in several years.

Breakaway challenge

Or officially, the BlackBerry NHL Breakaway Challenge, which presumably means it's some kind of auction of sunbelt teams to a rival league run by Jim Balsillie coming up.

Oh, disappointingly, it's instead the freestyle shootout thing again.  Anyway, Go Team Dadonov!

P.K. Subban dons Jeff Skinner's jersey in a cheap, showy move to find favour with the home fans.  Somewhere, Mike Richards sets fire to his television.  Sadly, Mr Dadonov appears to have never played hockey before...until he actually puts one home on his fourth attempt while Carey Price pays practically no attention.

Really, since nobody is that concerned about scoring in this, why not just put a cardboard cutout of a goalie between the pipes?  Or Rick DiPietro?

Alex Ovechkin puts one home on Fleury after some stick-reversal shenanigans.  Cue 1,000 articles tomorrow from Pittsburgh beat writers and the Canadian press about how he failed to pull off the same moves when it counted against Crosby...

Points are awarded here based on text voting entries from the public...so we head to a break first.  Let's hope the Dadonov family's planned mass voting scam doesn't get found out.

In a shock outcome, the winner of the text vote turns out to be Brett Favre's penis.  I have no idea which team is winning.

Accuracy shooting

Now players compete to shoot a target off the top of John Forslund's quiff in the quickest time possible.

Er, watching two players shoot at four targets at the same time is slightly difficult...As is hearing out-of-synch interviews above the arena music...

The Sharp/Toews contest appears to be operating as a best of seven series.  Rick Nash defeats Phil Kessel.  Brian Burke immediately schedules a press conference to bemoan the unfairness of the competition.

Fans unexpectedly chant "Let's go Kane" as 20 Cent goes head-to-head with Captain Staal.  At least I think that's what the chanting was.  Daniel Sedin goes 4-for-4 and presumably gets a 10-day lay off before meeting the winner of the Sharp/Toews series.

Harwood back on form as he manages to take 20 seconds over a question to Sedin that basically amounted to: "Do you aim at the targets?"  And I've no idea what the score is.  Probably more due more to my inability to multi-task than any flaws in the wonderful Versus broadcast.

Skills challenge relay

The description of this appears confusing enough, so I'm expecting to not follow this at all.  Before it starts, Charissa Thompson casts aside any concerns that she doesn't know anything about hockey by dropping a "Lindstrom" during an interview with ASG supremo/czar/overlord Brendan Shanahan.  Whoops...

Jeff Skinner used to be a figure skater?  They really should mention that more often every time he plays.

Distracted while typing...Edzo does what with horse meat?  Given the length of this break, either they must be resurfacing the ice several times, there is a lot of equipment to arrange on the ice or Harwood has started another interview.

The relay includes a part where a player skates through a series of pylons.  So the Devils did provide some players for the festivities after all.  Still not ready, so Thompson interviews Carey Prince and Kris Lentang, Harwood treats Tim Thomas to the "you're old" line of questioning.

The one-timer portion of this relay features Erik Karlsson feeding the puck to players in different jerseys within the defensive zone, a skill he has developed carefully in Ottawa the last couple of years.  Either those are giant Gatorade bottles that Tyler Ennis is skating around or he really is a midget.

Group 1 of Team Lindstrom takes the lead in the relay, but Matt Duchene clearly flubbed the puck control bit.  Controversy.  Surely worth a trip to the war room.  Group 2 of Team Staal with the slowest time yet - Kris Letang using up a valuable 25 minutes trying to score three one-timers from the blue line.  The final group also fails to match the best time, Keith Yandle failing to realise skating around the Gatorade bottles in the dressing room too was not necessary.  Duchene or somebody too close to his mic seemed to say something he shouldn't have just then...

Score is Team Lindstrom 113, Team Staal 163.8.

Hardest shot

I'm really not that interested in this round, given Scott Gomez isn't here, but I'll try and work through my dismay...

Burns defeats Backes and Seguin defeats Fowler - nobody threatening 100mph yet.  Edzo gives Sharp/Kopitar the heavy sell by noting that neither of them have big slapshots.  Weber/Chara should be better.

Weber beats Chara in a mild surprise with a 104.8mph blast.  A rematch in the final round is speculated.  Dystuglien Bufflin also tops 100mph to easily overcome Rick Nash.  The inevitable technology fail finally arrives as Ovechkin tees up - one stick breakage and a malfunctioning speed gun meaning he has three extra attempts.  Before tripping over a loose cable by the boards.  Ted Leonsis fires up a new blog post as we speak.

In the rematch with Weber, Chara cranks a blast of 105.9mph to win; a speed only beaten in NHL All-Star game history by Martin Brodeur's sprint to the pre-game buffet in 2006.

Elimination shootout

The old guy we see in a Blackhawks jersey on the bench as we return from break turns out to be some contest winner, not Chris Chelios as I first thought.

Looks like everybody takes part in this one.  My money is definitely on the Dadonov-ator this time.  Only Bufflin scores early.  The goalies aren't rotating after every three attempts as it was billed.  Another Dado-fail...

Subban, Perry and Briere still in...Stepan and Marc Staal predictably fail.  Lundqvist trips Brad Richards into the boards - an attempt to knock a few thousand off his free agent price orchestrated by Rangers management?  Rick Nash scores...Lundqvist stopping everything so far.  Until St. Louis beats him with his patented "Omark's not allowed to do this" ass-out move.

Several more players stay in as noted sieves, Thomas and Ward assume goalie duties...2nd round: Subban, Bufflin now out.  Perry scores again as Fleury uncharacteristically flops around like a dead fish.  Briere stopped by Price.  Nash misses before St. Louis disgracefully pulls a few moves again to score.  Somewhere, Dan Ellis sets fire to Mike Richards' television.

Kane stopped by Lundqvist.  Karlsson Kovalchuks his attempt away and Shattenkirk and E-Staal drop out.  Havlat denied by Lundqvist.  Down to Perry vs St. Louis...

Perry scores again, while St. Louis fails with his new double ass-out move, bringing NHL respect levels down to a crashing new low.  Somewhere, Mike Richards sets fire to every television he can find that has ever shown a picture of Dan Ellis on it.

Wrap-up

Apparently the final score was actually Staal 33-22 Lindstrom.  Possibly the identical final score to the game itself tomorrow.  Patrick Kane boldly states his team will win "the more important one".  Or more accurately, "the marginally less unimportant one", I think he means to say.

Will I watch?  Dunno.  Is there a Dadonov presence?